stressing about labor

Today marks the two week mark. I'm 38 weeks along and anxious about the unknown. The good news is there has been no sign of my hives/rash that tortured me the last three weeks of Charlotte's pregnancy. Maybe it's a boy? A nice boy wouldn't do that to his mama, right?! To add to more positive thoughts, my back has been feeling good and my xiphoid process hasn't been too annoying. Overall, I feel great for only having 14 days of pregnancy left.

But, my mind is wandering all the time and I can't stop thinking. My first labor was so easy when my water broke at home and we rushed to the hospital. This time around, things could be totally different and the unknown is starting to really make me nervous. How will I know it's time to go to the hospital? What if I don't make it in time (to get the drugs)? What are we gonna do with Charlotte in the wee hours of the morning?

I've definitely been feeling Braxton-Hicks contractions (they aren't real contractions). Mildly irritating at most. Then I start to worry, what if these are beginning real contractions? Should I get out my stop watch? What if they get worse? My thoughts are keeping me awake in the wee hours of the morning. Today I woke up at 2 a.m. - hot and sticky again. Went out to the ice cold couch, warmed up again and didn't fall asleep until a little after 3:30 a.m. My mind just can't relax! It's driving me bonkers.

Somehow I wish I could just end this pregnancy so that my mind can relax. The no-sleep doesn't bother me so much, just my thoughts. I know it's going to be just fine in the end, but that doesn't help me mentally now.

On a side note: Charlotte had diarrhea all day Thursday. Poor kid. Luckily Grandma and Aunt Katie took good care of her. She was her normal, chipper self, but had a nasty bug in her belly. I'm really hoping she's feeling better after today. I hate seeing my baby sick. Those diapers really do a good job keeping it all in!